Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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