Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need a beard to bite.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
