My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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