I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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