I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
