Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
