Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
