forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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