ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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