you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
