She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
