After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
