woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
