i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
