I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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