i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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