hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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