All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
