I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
