Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
