What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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