I'm laying in your front yard are you home
even my farts smell like vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
