And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
