he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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