Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
