I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
