I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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