Christians are straight up FREAKS
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize