yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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