This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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