I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
