my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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