dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
