he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
