We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
