I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
