I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
