o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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