If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
