Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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