I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
