WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
