I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
