Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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