tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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