I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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