Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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