i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
