We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
