Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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