Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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