i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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