And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
