Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
