I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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