____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize