Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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