Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
