why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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