Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
