You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
