so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
