we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
