Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
