I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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