Pants 0. Shit 1.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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