1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
