We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
