Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
