did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
