you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
