I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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